Jadeveon Clowney Opens Up Vape Store

Score- On Tuesday, Clowney opened KURE Columbia Vaporium and Lounge, a vape bar where patrons can come for all their vaping needs. “Really I got into this because of my mom, who was a smoker,” Clowney told Roddie Burris of The State at his grand opening. “But actually I wanted to try something outside of football and see how it goes on the business end. I chose Columbia because I’ve been here, I know what type of people are here, and I said nothing’s better than Columbia. I didn’t know how long I’ll be in Houston.”

Wowwwww. Now I know in the article Clowney says he doesn’t vape, but that’s basically like telling your mom you don’t drink in high school. Both parties know its not the truth, but ignorance is bliss am I right? Can’t have Billy O and Vrabel riding him too hard. Just imagine the rips Clowney takes off that new Vapor Shark DNA200 though! Probably comparable to a Michael Phelps size bong rip.

On a serious note Clowney is about to have a MASSIVE year. Guys doing yoga, acupuncture and laid down the cigs for the vape life. With a little extra smoke up his ass, Clowney plays 14-16 games and racks up 15 plus sacks.

I’m just ready for Clowney to bring Cushing and the rest of the bros to the grand opening so they can vape these losers into an early grave.

We are the Vapers of the Houston Texans. WE ARE BULLS ON PARADE!

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Jadeveon Clowney Opens Up Vape Store

Andre Johnson Visits The Titans

via Chris Wesseling of NFL.com “Andre Johnson is back in the news for the first time since his release by the Indianapolis Colts in February. The 35-year-old wide receiver visited the Tennessee Titans on Tuesday, NFL Media Insider Ian Rapoport reported, via a source informed of Johnson’s whereabouts. No signing is imminent, per Rapoport, as the two sides are simply feeling each other out at this point. It’s fair to wonder if the Titans are bringing the veteran in to light a fire under enigmatic second-year receiver Dorial Green-Beckham, who has struggled to master the playbook and remain in football shape. Johnson lost a few steps last season, failing to separate from opposing cornerbacks while falling behind Donte Moncrief on the Colts’ depth chart. Absent special teams experience, the seven-time Pro Bowler will have a hard time fulfilling his vow to continue his storied NFL career in 2016.”

Pretty heartbroken that it has come to this. First the Colts and now the Titans. How much more can a loyal Dre fan take? Some seem to have forgotten, but before all you obsessed JJ Watt nerds came around there was only one player on the whole Texans roster who deserved to even throw on a jock strap, I mean helmet, on Sunday’s. I looked up to Andre throughout my whole athletic prime (I peaked in high school) and my most memorable moment in sports is the shmack down he laid on that small ginger Finnegan. “Don’t get frustrated. You know ima tear that ass up. You know that.” I watched greatness from Andre for 10 plus years, so when the guy tells me he can still produce goddammit I got to believe him. No matter what AFC South team he decides to play for next, I’ll always be a part of #Team80.

 

P.S. Chris Wesslinger, or whichever junior writer wrote the special teams joke for you, get ready to catch these fuckin hands if you see me on the street. So in the words of the always pleasantly spoken Allen Iverson”I don’t know any franchise players that play special teams. I don’t know any 7 time pro bowlers that play special teams. I don’t know any two time 1st team All-Pro’s that play special teams. I don’t know any future Hall Of Famer that play special teams. Why Andre Johnson?”

Andre Johnson Visits The Titans

JJ Watt Is Dating Brian Cushing’s Sister-In-Law

via Terez Owens- “All-Universe defensive end, Houston Texans superstar, and face of the NFL, JJ Watt is always saying he just can’t find a girlfriend. Well, looks like JJ finally found Mrs. Right, and it just so happens to be someone pretty close to him. The NFL’s biggest defensive star is dating Kealia Ohai (Brian Cushing’s sister in-law) and sister to Megan Cushing. Kealia Ohai, plays for the Houston Dash and is right up JJ Watt’s alley, she’s in shape and she’s blonde. Our source tells us they’ve been dating for a few months, but just recently started going out in public.”

During an interview with ESPN in 2014, JJ quoted…

“I obviously would love to have a girlfriend but a girlfriend deserves so much of your time and energy, and she deserves to be treated like a princess because that’s how you should treat your girls. And if I can’t give them that time and that devotion because of my dedication to football, then I don’t feel like I should almost waste their time.”

Does this mean JJ is no longer dedicating himself to football? 4 am sex instead of 4 am workouts? Ice cream for desert instead of grilled chicken and vegetables? Rom-Coms instead of game film? I hate to say it, but I think it is time to trade JJ Watt. JJ is a blue-collar, hard-working, gritty player. Take all of the extra workouts and film study away and what do you have? Just another average white guy.

Check out the hot new couple at the Red Mango in CityCentre below.

You could bounce a quarter off that ass.

JJ Watt Is Dating Brian Cushing’s Sister-In-Law

Texans Defense Group Chat

If you haven’t noticed Watt has become a little bit more self-aware lately and I am giving all credit to Cush and the boys. Nothing brings you back down to earth quite like 5 guys in a group text shitting on you. Every time I drunk post something on Snap Chat I already know the group chat is going rip me the next morning. It never fails. Similar to a team, every guy in a group chat has a role. Here is how I imagine a Texans defense group chat operating…

Brian Cushing

  • Starts most of the group chat conversations
  • Sends old embarrassing photos of all members
  • Has horrible punctuation
  • Constantly references inside jokes

Jadeveon Clowney

  • Barely Speaks, but when he does it’s hilarious
  • Chimes in with the occasional Lol, Haha, or LMFAO if he finds it really funny

Kareem and J-Jo

  • Feed off eachother
  • One doesn’t text if the other isn’t
  • Use acronyms such as SMH
  • Strong advocates of black twitter

Whitney Mercilius

  • Only sends memes
  • Never spells anything correct

Vince Wilfork

  • Sends lunch plans for the group
  • Nightly pictures of his dinner

Charles James

  • Constantly sends videos of himself
  • Blows up the group when no one else is talking
  • Annoys everyone
Texans Defense Group Chat

Brian Cushing Spotted At A Local Starbucks?

Wow. Big if true. I can’t believe I missed this. Since Hard Knocks I have looked at every single guy carrying a Starbucks cup as a pussy. I can’t even put in words how much I personally have missed my monthly mocha frappucino. Ever since the epic steroids rant I’ve taken Cushing as a man of his word. I mean for Christs sake the man thought he was playing with a tumor! I have never doubted Cush and I am damn sure don’t plan on doubting him now. Which brought me to the conclusion that this picture conveniently doesn’t show his smokeshow of a wife sitting shotgun waiting on her caramel mochiata. Nice try Jameson Parker.

 

Brian Cushing Spotted At A Local Starbucks?

Houston Texans 2016 NFL Draft Recap: Will Fuller

  
The 2016 NFL Draft is now officially over, and the Houston Texans GM Rick Smith has put together a solid 2016 draft class. I’m going to go ahead and dub this draft class ” The most electrifying draft class in Houston Texans history”. I’m going to write a blog about each draftee and also the non drafted free agents and the first on up is Will Fuller.  So lets get it on – Kenny Blankenship voice. *Side Note* for all of yall who have no clue who Kenny Blankenship is, watch this video then proceed to take your lame ass to Dallas because we aint got no time for that shit in Houston. 

2016 NFL Draft: Houston Texans

Round 1, Pick 21*: Will Fuller – WR Notre Dame

Round 2, Pick 50*: Nick Martin- C Notre Dame

Round 3, Pick 85: Braxton Miller- WR Ohio State

Round 4, Pick 199: Tyler Erving – RB San Jose State

Round 5, Pick 159: R.J. Dillon – S West Virginia

Round 5, Pick 166: D.J. Reader- DT Clemson

Will Fuller: When Roger Goodell walked out on the stage to announce the Houston Texans pick, I remember my buddy asking me who we are going to draft. I knew we were going towards a wide out, not 100% on which receiver we were going to draft and then the comish said, ” With the 21nd pick, in the 2016 NFL Draft, The Houston Texans select, Will Fuller, Wide Receiver, Notre Dame”. Im not going to lie, I sort of stood there in shock. Shock of not really knowing who Will Fuller is. Of course I know of Will Fuller but I didn’t know who he actually is.. As a die hard Texans fan I had no choice but to love the pick, but loving something that you really don’t have a exact read on is something that violates Rule #124 of my personal code of conduct. So with me being fair with myself, I did a little research. Research which lead me to absolutely fall head over heels for Will Fuller, your #15 of the Houston Texans. THE DUDE CAN STRAIGHT FLY!!  period, end of story. Which is exactly what the Texans need. We need that leaf blower to suck up some of the coverage off DHop. I’ve read posts, blogs, listened to Houston sports talk radio and all of the people who hated the pick should stop being a Texans fan. Yes he might have baby midget hands, yes he might catch too many passes in the chest, but the number one thing you need to know is that he ran a 4.32 forty, and had 30 career TD’s playing for the golden domers. The Houston Texans went into the draft looking for a #2 wide out to help out Dhop and I applaud Rich Smith and Coach OB on the player they selected. I will make sure to publish my draft grade on the pick once he is done with his rookie contract. 

Stay tuned for what Grizz thinks of the second round pick, Zach Martin. 

Stay leaning Houston,

– Grizz

Big Moe: Purple Stuff

Houston Texans 2016 NFL Draft Recap: Will Fuller

Brady Suspension Reinstated

Via (CNN)- “A federal appeals court on Monday ruled in favor of the NFL in the “Deflategate” case, reinstating New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s originalfour-game suspension imposed by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.”

I don’t give a shit about Tom Brady and quite frankly I’m ready for this story to die. Did Tom Brady have a part in deflating the balls? I don’t know and I never will. One thing that aggravates me is how they use him destroying his phone as evidence against him. Imagine all the side pussy that gets leaked from a Tom Brady IPhone. He saw what happened to Tiger and he’s not going down like that. We all know the Patriots have bent the rules to gain an advantage against their opponents in the past, who cares. I will take every scandal for just one sniff at a Super Bowl. These Bostonian assholes have won 4. What I do care about in all of this is that the Texans matchup vs. the Pats week 3 just got a whole lot easier. There is serious potential for us now to start the season 4-0. Shout out to Roger Goodell one time for his grudge against the Pats.

Brady Suspension Reinstated