A Tribute To Tim Duncan

Growing up a loyal Houstonian, I used to fucking hate the Spurs. Not only were they in that shithole of a city they call San Antonio, but the flopping was too much too handle (this was before the whole NBA adopted their foreign blood magic). They passed the ball too much and didn’t dunk the ball nearly enough. However as I grew older and matured (sort of), I grew a sense of respect for the Spurs style of play, their fan base, Popovich, and of course their star player.

Tim Duncan was never flashy, which is why he never caught my attention as a kid. While AI was laying down his patented crossover, TD was perfecting the bank shot. He said all the right things. He didn’t wow you with his athleticism, nor was he a common guest on Sports Centers top 10 plays. He just got the fucking job done and he did it more effectively for a longer duration of time than any athlete I have had the privelage of watching. I’m at that weird age where I am starting to see the iconic athletes I grew up watching begin to retire. Soon I will be the annoying old man telling his grandkids that Bob Cousy would run circles around Steph Curry. Regardless, Timmy D is a legend and he will surely be missed.

P.S. No way I end this article without mentioning his clothes. The guy is a millionaire dressing up like a Target manikin in 2002. Some may blame AI for the implementation of the NBA dress code, I blame Tim Duncan’s JINCO jeans.

 

 

A Tribute To Tim Duncan

Only One Team Can Stop The Warriors In 2016

It’s been a big couple days of basketball. Yesterday KD announced via The Players Tribune that he will be signing with the Warriors. Today a local bald man in Idaho fooled the world that MJ was training for a return to the NBA.  It may not be the real MJ, but the film don;t lie. It’s safe to say he will be getting a call from an NBA GM here shortly. His offensive game is a mystery, but his defense is impenetrable. He perfectly directs his man to the corner leaving him less room to operate, cuts off the baseline forcing him back to the middle. TEXTBOOK D. But back to KD and his decision. Since yesterday, I’ve heard a lot of complaints that no one will be able to beat the Warriors next year, including me. That was until today when I laid my eyes on the new age His Airness. So get ready Warriors, fake MJ is here and he’s bringing some good friends from along the way with him for that number one spot.

PG– Obviously this is Derrick Rose pre-injury. Don’t let the love handles fool you, dude can fly.

SG– Fake MJ in the Bred 11’s.  No brainer team captain.

SF– Double padded elbow sleeves Lebron James. RIP Harambe.

PF– Mexican Charles Barkley. Part of the 50 greatest players of all-time. I DARE Draymond to kick him in the juevos.

C– Young Shaq cashing checks. BBQ Chicken.

Look the part, feel the part, play the part. And fuck you KD for making the NBA no fun.

Only One Team Can Stop The Warriors In 2016

Rio Olympic Update: “Mutilated” Body Found Yards Away From Beach Volleyball Site

Yahoo– With a dark cloud already hanging over the 2016 Summer Olympics, the last thing Rio de Janeiro organizers needed was more bad publicity. But they certainly got it Wednesday. Parts of a mutilated body were discovered on Copacabana beach, mere yards away from the 2016 Summer Olympics beach volleyball site, police said. The body was initially found by a local street vendor, who reported the findings to a Rio newspaper. Police have not commented on the finding, nor have they provided further details.The washed up body is the latest of many concerns headed into the Rio games. Local political turmoil, a financial crisis, the Zika virus, delayed construction, water pollution and doping controversies are just some of the issues that threaten to haunt the event.

 

Is the Rio Olympics going to be the most entertaining Olympics or what? Can’t imagine the action spectators at the games are going to have.One second you’re watching 4 girls in bathing suits play volleyball. The next, you are walking over disfigured bodies, hoping not to get mugged on your way to the hotel. Not to mention you are drenched in mosquito spray (trying not to get a virus you probably already got the minute you stepped off the plane), hungover (because alcohol is 1000x safer then drinking the water there), and there is a good chance the stands you are sitting on will collapse. Half of the stadiums are not even close to being ready. Just look at the volleyball stadium with 5 weeks to go:

No way is this stadium up to code with the pressure these people are under to finish in time. I mean the City is already over a couple billion dollars in debt and MUTILATED bodies are just popping up.

If these games still go on, it will be must watch TV. Athletes and fans just dying left and right, while the USA goes ahead and wins another medal count. CAN’T WAIT!

Rio Olympic Update: “Mutilated” Body Found Yards Away From Beach Volleyball Site

Grinds My Gears: Mail Theft

Woke up today to realize I was robbed over night and it was 100% my fault. For one, I guess I forgot to lock the truck. I’m also the type of idiot that sometimes leaves his wallet in the car. So instantly I checked to see if it was still there and it was, along with everything else. I thought I got lucky until I pulled up to the McDonald’s window to pay for my morning coffee (I know, poor people move buying MCD coffee) and all my cash was gone except $5 in ones. Now, I’m also the idiot that always carries around cash (hardo alert) because in my dumb head, my excuse is “you never know when you will need it.” To be honest, there has only been about 5 times in my life I have actually needed cash and 2 of those times were to pay hush money to people I’ve had fender benders with. But back to the point, I really wasn’t mad I got robbed. Can’t blame them. It’s 2016. No reason for me to even have that much cash on me and plus, I did leave my wallet in a unlocked truck. So it’s on me, I raise my hand.

(Side note: What kind of monster takes over $100 bucks but leaves the one dollar bills?? If you are going to take it, take all of it. Leaving me the wallet with ones for pity was a ruthless move. Truthfully, that pissed me off more then being robbed)

Now, one thing that came out of this was it gave me a perfect opportunity for a Grinds My Gears blog. There are honestly about 5 things that truly get under my skin and infuriate me. Stealing isn’t really one of them because everyone hates it. My take on stealing is a easy one: Its human nature. Does that make it justified? No. Should you get thrown the book at or ass beat if caught? Yes. But it’s life and it happens every second, so get use to it.

Yet, there is one type of theft that I do not understand and makes me furious than most things on Earth. Not sure why it gets to me but one thing that grinds my gears is:

People Who Steal Mail

The idea of mail is Top 5 best inventions ever. Being able to send anything, to anyone, anywhere blows my mind. But what truly makes the system work, is the integrity of the deliverers. Without hesitation, you give these people wearing shorts your possessions and trust the process that it will be delivered safely, without being opened, or damaged. Money, important documents, and even drugs are all sent via mail and 99% of the time delivered with no problems. We take for granted how easy it is to ship and receive anything we want. For example, you want to buy that Double-Dong but are too embarrassed to go to the store? Easy, have it mailed to you. I mean I know this whole thing is lame but God, the idea of mail is beautiful. So, when someone has the audacity to steal a package off a front porch, the whole system goes to shit. I honestly wouldn’t blink a eye if I saw someone shoplifting from a store. I’m not trying to be a hero. But now if I witnessed someone taking a package from a house, to quote CT ” you just justified me to bust a mother fuckers head open”. If you are caught stealing mail you deserve death. Plain and simple, don’t fuck with the mail. Sorry for the rant, just had to give a PSA on mail theft. God Bless you Doug Heffernan.

Update: Just found out Mail Theft is a Felony. I assumed it followed along the lines of normal theft charges but I guess people feel the same way. What a country we live in.

 

Grinds My Gears: Mail Theft

Remembering NFL Legend Buddy Ryan

When your nickname is Buddy you’re 100% guaranteed to be a character of some sort. You don’t just get the nickname buddy without doing some outrageous shit. Buddy was one hell of a defensive coordinator, but his humor and overall bluntness is what projected him into fame. Some of his best quotes throughout the years…

“Kevin Gilbride will be selling insurance in two years.”

  • This was right after he punched poor Kevin on the sidelines during the 1993 Oilers season. Mr. Run and shoot himself got his revenge, however, winning a Super Bowl as the OC with the Giants 20 years later.

“QBs are overpaid, overrated, pompous bastards and must be punished.”

  • I’m honestly concerned that the recent QB contracts literally put Buddy to his resting place. Imagine his anger after seeing Brock Osweiler get paid 18 million a year after starting 7 games.

“Football kickers are like taxi cabs. You can always go out and hire another one.”

On Roster Cuts…”It was so easy my wife could have made them, and she didn’t even know these guys.”

  • Where was hardknocks in the 80’s? Guaranteed some tears were shed after getting cut by Buddy.

Sure Buddy won Super Bowls, coached arguably the best defense of all-time, brought the Eagles back to relevancy, threw haymakers on the sidelines. But let us not forget Buddy’s greatest accomplishment in life. He may be gone, but his legacy will live on forever…

 

Remembering NFL Legend Buddy Ryan

Rockets Draft Recap

Can’t wait for these second round picks to make an immediate impact with Mike D’Antoni. Morey you did it again. I can smell that 8th seed already. Playoffs here we come!

Round 2, Pick 37: Chinanu Onuaku

Really smart pick up. Chinanu was college teammates with Montrezl Harrell so we already know they are VERY familiar with each other. Sleeping with the same girl and becoming weiner cousins is similar to being twins, you know what the other is thinking at all times. This should provide some excellent chemistry on and off the court. Not to mention Chinanu can not shoot free throws to save his life, which makes him an ideal replacement for Dwight Howard.

Round 2, Pick 43: Zhou Qi

Excellent draft and stash. Zhou will really help the Rockets corner the Chinese market. Once we bring back Jeremy Lin he should have a friendly face around the building as well. I’m not sure where Yi Jianlian is right now, but I think we should consider bringing him over as well to help provide some length while also spreading the court. I can’t wait for Zhou to come play for us in 5 years.

Undrafted Free Agent: Gary Payton II

The Glove Jr. Freak athlete. Will probably contribute more in year one than either of the draft picks due to our gaping hole at back up point guard. He’s not a great shooter, but he is the first person I have seen successfully complete a 4 point play without free throws (watch video below). He should fit right in considering Morey’s views on analytics.

Rockets Draft Recap

JJ Watt Is Dating Brian Cushing’s Sister-In-Law

via Terez Owens- “All-Universe defensive end, Houston Texans superstar, and face of the NFL, JJ Watt is always saying he just can’t find a girlfriend. Well, looks like JJ finally found Mrs. Right, and it just so happens to be someone pretty close to him. The NFL’s biggest defensive star is dating Kealia Ohai (Brian Cushing’s sister in-law) and sister to Megan Cushing. Kealia Ohai, plays for the Houston Dash and is right up JJ Watt’s alley, she’s in shape and she’s blonde. Our source tells us they’ve been dating for a few months, but just recently started going out in public.”

During an interview with ESPN in 2014, JJ quoted…

“I obviously would love to have a girlfriend but a girlfriend deserves so much of your time and energy, and she deserves to be treated like a princess because that’s how you should treat your girls. And if I can’t give them that time and that devotion because of my dedication to football, then I don’t feel like I should almost waste their time.”

Does this mean JJ is no longer dedicating himself to football? 4 am sex instead of 4 am workouts? Ice cream for desert instead of grilled chicken and vegetables? Rom-Coms instead of game film? I hate to say it, but I think it is time to trade JJ Watt. JJ is a blue-collar, hard-working, gritty player. Take all of the extra workouts and film study away and what do you have? Just another average white guy.

Check out the hot new couple at the Red Mango in CityCentre below.

You could bounce a quarter off that ass.

JJ Watt Is Dating Brian Cushing’s Sister-In-Law