Jadeveon Clowney Opens Up Vape Store

Score- On Tuesday, Clowney opened KURE Columbia Vaporium and Lounge, a vape bar where patrons can come for all their vaping needs. “Really I got into this because of my mom, who was a smoker,” Clowney told Roddie Burris of The State at his grand opening. “But actually I wanted to try something outside of football and see how it goes on the business end. I chose Columbia because I’ve been here, I know what type of people are here, and I said nothing’s better than Columbia. I didn’t know how long I’ll be in Houston.”

Wowwwww. Now I know in the article Clowney says he doesn’t vape, but that’s basically like telling your mom you don’t drink in high school. Both parties know its not the truth, but ignorance is bliss am I right? Can’t have Billy O and Vrabel riding him too hard. Just imagine the rips Clowney takes off that new Vapor Shark DNA200 though! Probably comparable to a Michael Phelps size bong rip.

On a serious note Clowney is about to have a MASSIVE year. Guys doing yoga, acupuncture and laid down the cigs for the vape life. With a little extra smoke up his ass, Clowney plays 14-16 games and racks up 15 plus sacks.

I’m just ready for Clowney to bring Cushing and the rest of the bros to the grand opening so they can vape these losers into an early grave.

We are the Vapers of the Houston Texans. WE ARE BULLS ON PARADE!

Jadeveon Clowney Opens Up Vape Store

JJ Watt Is Dating Brian Cushing’s Sister-In-Law

via Terez Owens- “All-Universe defensive end, Houston Texans superstar, and face of the NFL, JJ Watt is always saying he just can’t find a girlfriend. Well, looks like JJ finally found Mrs. Right, and it just so happens to be someone pretty close to him. The NFL’s biggest defensive star is dating Kealia Ohai (Brian Cushing’s sister in-law) and sister to Megan Cushing. Kealia Ohai, plays for the Houston Dash and is right up JJ Watt’s alley, she’s in shape and she’s blonde. Our source tells us they’ve been dating for a few months, but just recently started going out in public.”

During an interview with ESPN in 2014, JJ quoted…

“I obviously would love to have a girlfriend but a girlfriend deserves so much of your time and energy, and she deserves to be treated like a princess because that’s how you should treat your girls. And if I can’t give them that time and that devotion because of my dedication to football, then I don’t feel like I should almost waste their time.”

Does this mean JJ is no longer dedicating himself to football? 4 am sex instead of 4 am workouts? Ice cream for desert instead of grilled chicken and vegetables? Rom-Coms instead of game film? I hate to say it, but I think it is time to trade JJ Watt. JJ is a blue-collar, hard-working, gritty player. Take all of the extra workouts and film study away and what do you have? Just another average white guy.

Check out the hot new couple at the Red Mango in CityCentre below.

You could bounce a quarter off that ass.

JJ Watt Is Dating Brian Cushing’s Sister-In-Law

Texans Defense Group Chat

If you haven’t noticed Watt has become a little bit more self-aware lately and I am giving all credit to Cush and the boys. Nothing brings you back down to earth quite like 5 guys in a group text shitting on you. Every time I drunk post something on Snap Chat I already know the group chat is going rip me the next morning. It never fails. Similar to a team, every guy in a group chat has a role. Here is how I imagine a Texans defense group chat operating…

Brian Cushing

  • Starts most of the group chat conversations
  • Sends old embarrassing photos of all members
  • Has horrible punctuation
  • Constantly references inside jokes

Jadeveon Clowney

  • Barely Speaks, but when he does it’s hilarious
  • Chimes in with the occasional Lol, Haha, or LMFAO if he finds it really funny

Kareem and J-Jo

  • Feed off eachother
  • One doesn’t text if the other isn’t
  • Use acronyms such as SMH
  • Strong advocates of black twitter

Whitney Mercilius

  • Only sends memes
  • Never spells anything correct

Vince Wilfork

  • Sends lunch plans for the group
  • Nightly pictures of his dinner

Charles James

  • Constantly sends videos of himself
  • Blows up the group when no one else is talking
  • Annoys everyone
Texans Defense Group Chat

Anonymous Assistant Coach- “Is J.J. a male model or a football player?”

via Mike Freeman at Bleacher Report- “When Watt posted that picture, I texted one assistant coach for his thoughts.”Is J.J. a male model or a football player?” the coach texted back. “What does he want to do? Be in movies or be the best football player possible?”

That same assistant coach, while critical of Watt in terms of what he does off the field, feels strongly that Watt and an improved offense could drastically transform the Texans almost overnight.”They could legitimately shock the world,” the coach said. “Huge fan of [Brock] Osweiler, and that defense will be improved.”You’re saying this is a legitimate Super Bowl team?”It is, yes,” the coach said. I see the Texans as greatly improved and making the postseason. But Super Bowl team? I’d love to have what he’s smoking.”

 

I wanted to blog on this IG photo when JJ first posted it, but I figured commenting on a guys physique might come off a little gay. Most people know my feelings on JJ Watt already and if you don’t know, now you know. However, this report is complete bullshit. Must be a slow news day for the boys over at Bleacher Report, who by the way lost all credibility when they started tweeting like a middle schooler. Is JJ Watt annoying? HELL yes. But how can you seriously question his motives when it comes to football? The guy spends every waking minute reminding us how often he works out and how is aspiring to be the best player he can be. I have also never seen any speculation that he wants to be in movies, although considering his love for the spotlight I’m sure it is something he will look into once football comes to an end. A JJ Watt/Dwayne Johnson action movie will happen at some point in my lifetime, BOOK IT.

As for the second statement, anonymous source or not you wouldn’t belittle him by saying “I’d love to have what he’s smoking.” Fuck you and your lying ass Freeman. Your imaginary source got one thing right, we are going to shock the world. The division title is a lock. The Colts era has come to an end, the Jags are only good on paper, and the Titans are located in Tennessee. With the new look offense and a defense that dominated the second half of the NFL season last year, we are going to make some serious noise come playoff time.

Anonymous Assistant Coach- “Is J.J. a male model or a football player?”

Houston Texans 2016 NFL Draft Recap: Will Fuller

  
The 2016 NFL Draft is now officially over, and the Houston Texans GM Rick Smith has put together a solid 2016 draft class. I’m going to go ahead and dub this draft class ” The most electrifying draft class in Houston Texans history”. I’m going to write a blog about each draftee and also the non drafted free agents and the first on up is Will Fuller.  So lets get it on – Kenny Blankenship voice. *Side Note* for all of yall who have no clue who Kenny Blankenship is, watch this video then proceed to take your lame ass to Dallas because we aint got no time for that shit in Houston. 

2016 NFL Draft: Houston Texans

Round 1, Pick 21*: Will Fuller – WR Notre Dame

Round 2, Pick 50*: Nick Martin- C Notre Dame

Round 3, Pick 85: Braxton Miller- WR Ohio State

Round 4, Pick 199: Tyler Erving – RB San Jose State

Round 5, Pick 159: R.J. Dillon – S West Virginia

Round 5, Pick 166: D.J. Reader- DT Clemson

Will Fuller: When Roger Goodell walked out on the stage to announce the Houston Texans pick, I remember my buddy asking me who we are going to draft. I knew we were going towards a wide out, not 100% on which receiver we were going to draft and then the comish said, ” With the 21nd pick, in the 2016 NFL Draft, The Houston Texans select, Will Fuller, Wide Receiver, Notre Dame”. Im not going to lie, I sort of stood there in shock. Shock of not really knowing who Will Fuller is. Of course I know of Will Fuller but I didn’t know who he actually is.. As a die hard Texans fan I had no choice but to love the pick, but loving something that you really don’t have a exact read on is something that violates Rule #124 of my personal code of conduct. So with me being fair with myself, I did a little research. Research which lead me to absolutely fall head over heels for Will Fuller, your #15 of the Houston Texans. THE DUDE CAN STRAIGHT FLY!!  period, end of story. Which is exactly what the Texans need. We need that leaf blower to suck up some of the coverage off DHop. I’ve read posts, blogs, listened to Houston sports talk radio and all of the people who hated the pick should stop being a Texans fan. Yes he might have baby midget hands, yes he might catch too many passes in the chest, but the number one thing you need to know is that he ran a 4.32 forty, and had 30 career TD’s playing for the golden domers. The Houston Texans went into the draft looking for a #2 wide out to help out Dhop and I applaud Rich Smith and Coach OB on the player they selected. I will make sure to publish my draft grade on the pick once he is done with his rookie contract. 

Stay tuned for what Grizz thinks of the second round pick, Zach Martin. 

Stay leaning Houston,

– Grizz

Big Moe: Purple Stuff

Houston Texans 2016 NFL Draft Recap: Will Fuller

Duane Brown Eats ALL THE MEATS In Mexico

via ESPN.Com- “HOUSTON — Not long after a bye week trip to Mexico, Houston Texans left tackle Duane Brown got a letter from the NFL informing him of a violation of the league’s policy on performance-enhancing drugs, having tested positive for clenbuterol. Brown hadn’t done anything nefarious, but he still faced a 10-game suspension. The culprit? Mexican beef. According to sources, the NFL Players Association proved to the NFL the burgers and steaks Brown ate in Mexico caused the positive test. Consequently, on Tuesday, the drug program’s independent administrator sent a letter warning players that consumption of too much meat in Mexico and China could cause a positive test for the anabolic substance clenbuterol. Clenbuterol has been used to control asthma and as an unregulated weight-loss supplement. It is not used in any medication approved by the Food and Drug Administration and is banned by the NFL.”

WOW. A couple things I want to touch on here. First, why the fuck are they being tested for a weight loss substance? I could be wrong but I am pretty sure Duane Brown is not looking to shed some pounds. Second, I think I may have found the man who enjoys a good burger more than me. 10 burgers on a vacay is some serious work man. Third, this quote caught my eye…

“The Texans will travel to Mexico to play the Oakland Raiders on November 21, but Brown isn’t likely to take a leisure trip to Mexico any time soon. Sources say if he does, he’ll stick to chicken and fish.”

Obviously not reliable sources. The guy ate 10 burgers and 2 steaks in less than a week, fuck off telling me he is going to be laying off the beef for the first ever game in Mexico. I heard Wilfork’s cooking up fajitas for the boys.

P.S. I’m a firm believer of steroids in sports, especially baseball. Show me the guy who wants to watch a good pitching battle and I’ll show you a virgin.

Duane Brown Eats ALL THE MEATS In Mexico

Flood Day In Houston

Ah, flood days. Nothing better than the two days a year this happens in Houston because it gives  all the lazy people out there, including myself, a valid excuse to not leave their bed for 24 hours while binge watching television. Literally nothing in weeks has brought me more joy than the e-mail I woke up to this morning saying the office was closed.

However, not all people enjoy flood days as much as myself. For some odd reason some jackasses actually want to leave their house and go to work. How shitty does your life have to be at home for you to rush to the office so you can sit inside a cubicle and stare at your computer for 8 hours.

Was it just me or was the reporter kind of an asshole to him? “Leave the car. Swim!” And people are classifying this guy as a hero for walking out into 3 feet of water when the dumb son of a bitch could have just stood up the whole time. Then he sticks the microphone in his face while asking him if he is okay. Well its 7 am, I am soaking wet, and my car is under water.

 

Even The Texans had to cancel their first day of the off season conditioning. All but one Texan that is, because if you think JJ Watt is going to miss a fucking workout then your out of your damn mind. And did you really even workout if you didn’t let it be known on social media? #DBWH

But we should stop making stories out of non-stories. It’s not like he put it on social media for all of us to see that he made it to the facility.

Flood Day In Houston