Degenerates Picks- NFL Week 1

Image result for nfl logo moneyBeen off the wagon for a little while but since football is back, I’m back. Week 1 always sucks. No one knows how good the teams really are and Vegas sets some sneaky lines. But does that stop degenerates? Nope. Can’t stop, won’t stop. So here is easy money picks (lines off Bovada):

Chicago at Houston (-6.5)  O/U 44

-6.5?? I’m not trying to be a “homer” but if this game was to be played in December, the line would be at -12 HOU. The Texans offense is unproven but at this point, it is way better than last year. Plus, the defense will have JJ back along with Clowney, who has been looking like a freak lately. Cutler might get sacked over 5 times. Take Houston -6.5.

Oakland (+1) at New Orleans   O/U 51

Not sure why people are high on the Saints this year. I understand Brees is still Brees but they have the worst o-line in the league. Poor guy won’t make all 16 games. The Saints defense also stinks and who is going to stop Amari Cooper/Latavius Murray? This game will get ugly. Take Oakland +1

Detroit at Indianapolis (-4.5)  O/U 51

I’m going to forget what happened last year with the Colts. Yeah, they have a 65 year old Frank Gore in the backfield and a defense that shouldn’t scare anyone. But they do have a healthy Luck paired with Moncrief/Hilton. Not as confident on this game because the Lions did do well at the end of last season, but I do believe the Colts to win by at least a touchdown. Take Colts -4.5

 Green Bay at Jacksonville (+6)  O/U 48

The Jags are still the Jags. They haven’t had a winning recorded since 2007 but it looks like this year they have a chance to steal the show. Surprised this game is +6 at Jacksonville because the Jaguars always sell out and have a packed crowd (If they don’t, just add more tarp. Old trick). But they are playing Aaron Rodgers and the Packers will be a playoff team. The Packers will win the game but I see the Jaguars keeping it close. Take Jacksonville +6.

 

Degenerates Picks- NFL Week 1

23 Years Ago Today Nolan Ryan Beat Robin Ventura to a Pulp

 

God my pants get tighter every time I watch old man Ryan put Robin Ventura into a head lock and go to town. Hands down, my favorite sports fight of all time. From the wise words of a gay thug from Baltimore, “Come at the King, you best not miss” and damn, did he miss. Robin, who had just turned 26 and coming off a All-Star and Golden Glove season, must have thought the old geezer on the mound was easy pickings. I mean Nolan Ryan was 46 at the time. FORTY-SIX. But that’s old man strength for ya. Never under estimate old man strength.  One second you think your going to whoop a hall of famer’s ass and the next, you’re googling yourself 23 years later just to find the first 10 hits are of you getting beat to a pulp.

 

P.S- I guess Nolan ended up at the bottom of the pile and was being stomped on. Out of all people, Bo Jackson was the one who picked him up and saved him. Jesus, Bo can do anything.

“All I remember is that I couldn’t breathe,” says Ryan. “I thought I was going to black out and die, when all of a sudden I see two big arms tossing bodies off of me. It was Bo Jackson. He had come to my rescue, and I’m awful glad he did, because I was about to pass out. I called him that night and thanked him.”

23 Years Ago Today Nolan Ryan Beat Robin Ventura to a Pulp

Rio Olympic Update: “Mutilated” Body Found Yards Away From Beach Volleyball Site

Yahoo– With a dark cloud already hanging over the 2016 Summer Olympics, the last thing Rio de Janeiro organizers needed was more bad publicity. But they certainly got it Wednesday. Parts of a mutilated body were discovered on Copacabana beach, mere yards away from the 2016 Summer Olympics beach volleyball site, police said. The body was initially found by a local street vendor, who reported the findings to a Rio newspaper. Police have not commented on the finding, nor have they provided further details.The washed up body is the latest of many concerns headed into the Rio games. Local political turmoil, a financial crisis, the Zika virus, delayed construction, water pollution and doping controversies are just some of the issues that threaten to haunt the event.

 

Is the Rio Olympics going to be the most entertaining Olympics or what? Can’t imagine the action spectators at the games are going to have.One second you’re watching 4 girls in bathing suits play volleyball. The next, you are walking over disfigured bodies, hoping not to get mugged on your way to the hotel. Not to mention you are drenched in mosquito spray (trying not to get a virus you probably already got the minute you stepped off the plane), hungover (because alcohol is 1000x safer then drinking the water there), and there is a good chance the stands you are sitting on will collapse. Half of the stadiums are not even close to being ready. Just look at the volleyball stadium with 5 weeks to go:

No way is this stadium up to code with the pressure these people are under to finish in time. I mean the City is already over a couple billion dollars in debt and MUTILATED bodies are just popping up.

If these games still go on, it will be must watch TV. Athletes and fans just dying left and right, while the USA goes ahead and wins another medal count. CAN’T WAIT!

Rio Olympic Update: “Mutilated” Body Found Yards Away From Beach Volleyball Site

Grinds My Gears: Mail Theft

Woke up today to realize I was robbed over night and it was 100% my fault. For one, I guess I forgot to lock the truck. I’m also the type of idiot that sometimes leaves his wallet in the car. So instantly I checked to see if it was still there and it was, along with everything else. I thought I got lucky until I pulled up to the McDonald’s window to pay for my morning coffee (I know, poor people move buying MCD coffee) and all my cash was gone except $5 in ones. Now, I’m also the idiot that always carries around cash (hardo alert) because in my dumb head, my excuse is “you never know when you will need it.” To be honest, there has only been about 5 times in my life I have actually needed cash and 2 of those times were to pay hush money to people I’ve had fender benders with. But back to the point, I really wasn’t mad I got robbed. Can’t blame them. It’s 2016. No reason for me to even have that much cash on me and plus, I did leave my wallet in a unlocked truck. So it’s on me, I raise my hand.

(Side note: What kind of monster takes over $100 bucks but leaves the one dollar bills?? If you are going to take it, take all of it. Leaving me the wallet with ones for pity was a ruthless move. Truthfully, that pissed me off more then being robbed)

Now, one thing that came out of this was it gave me a perfect opportunity for a Grinds My Gears blog. There are honestly about 5 things that truly get under my skin and infuriate me. Stealing isn’t really one of them because everyone hates it. My take on stealing is a easy one: Its human nature. Does that make it justified? No. Should you get thrown the book at or ass beat if caught? Yes. But it’s life and it happens every second, so get use to it.

Yet, there is one type of theft that I do not understand and makes me furious than most things on Earth. Not sure why it gets to me but one thing that grinds my gears is:

People Who Steal Mail

The idea of mail is Top 5 best inventions ever. Being able to send anything, to anyone, anywhere blows my mind. But what truly makes the system work, is the integrity of the deliverers. Without hesitation, you give these people wearing shorts your possessions and trust the process that it will be delivered safely, without being opened, or damaged. Money, important documents, and even drugs are all sent via mail and 99% of the time delivered with no problems. We take for granted how easy it is to ship and receive anything we want. For example, you want to buy that Double-Dong but are too embarrassed to go to the store? Easy, have it mailed to you. I mean I know this whole thing is lame but God, the idea of mail is beautiful. So, when someone has the audacity to steal a package off a front porch, the whole system goes to shit. I honestly wouldn’t blink a eye if I saw someone shoplifting from a store. I’m not trying to be a hero. But now if I witnessed someone taking a package from a house, to quote CT ” you just justified me to bust a mother fuckers head open”. If you are caught stealing mail you deserve death. Plain and simple, don’t fuck with the mail. Sorry for the rant, just had to give a PSA on mail theft. God Bless you Doug Heffernan.

Update: Just found out Mail Theft is a Felony. I assumed it followed along the lines of normal theft charges but I guess people feel the same way. What a country we live in.

 

Grinds My Gears: Mail Theft

Phil Kessel Gets His Ring

Congrats to the Penguins on the Stanley Cup championship. But more importantly, congrats to Phil Fucking Kessel. He is every fat guy who was once good in high school but now watching from the couch. Except Phil is actually out there skating around and winning championships. Everyone in the league has great lettuce on top of their head and is in good shape because umm, they are professional athletes. Not Phil. Nope. He is a trailblazer. Almost bald at 28 with acne and weighing in at 205. One of a kind.

In all seriousness, just last year his career was in limbo and was always the comical scapegoat for the Toronto media. They just shit on him day in and day out. Look at him now Toronto. Y’all haven’t won in 40 years while Phil will be eating mayonnaise out of Lord Stanely’s cup this summer.

Fat, gross, and now a champion. God Bless you Phil. A true American Hero.

phil kessel idefk nhlol usa hockey is do or die

 

P.S- This picture always gets me.

Phil Kessel Gets His Ring

Kimbo Slice Dead at 42

(CNN) Mixed martial arts fighter Kimbo Slice died Monday, according to the MMA organization that represented him. He was 42 years old.

“One of the most popular MMA fighters ever, Kimbo was a charismatic, larger-than-life personality that transcended the sport. Outside of the cage he was a friendly, gentle giant and a devoted family man,” said Bellator MMA President Scott Coker. “His loss leaves us all with extremely heavy hearts, and our thoughts and prayers are with the entire Ferguson family and all of Kimbo’s friends, fans, and teammates.”

________

If YouTube had a Hall of Fame, Kimbo Slice would be a first ballot shoo-in. He was one of the first internet stars. From 5th-8th grade, my internet was pretty much 3 things: Myspace, Limewire, and YouTube. That’s it. Kids these days don’t understand how rough the early days of the World Wide Web were. Limewire especially. You wanted free music back then? Fine but just know it comes with a million virus. God knows how many times my dad had to replace our computers because of it. You want to get on porn? Well, you better have prepared a day ahead. I used to have to download the videos at night from Limewire and wait 8 hours for it to download. Half of the time the porn fucking sucked but are you going to wait another 8 hours to view another one? Nope. You watched it and you better have liked it!

 

But when it came to YouTube, Kimbo was a star. The only videos from the old YouTube I can remember are the Unforgettable vids, Tourettes guy, and of course Kimbo, knocking out bums on the street. Guy was a folklore roaming the streets of Miami and putting jabronis to sleep. Everyone and I mean everyone, had at least watch one of Kimbo’s street fights. He became so big on YouTube that the MMA had to take noticed and eventually signed him. A true “Rags to Riches’ story (even though he sucked in the MMA and ‘riches’ is a stretch to say the least).

 

RIP Kimbo.
Kimbo Slice Dead at 42

Houston Teacher Knocked Up by a 13 Year Old Student

Alexandria Vera, a middle school teacher at Aldine ISD's Stovall Middle School, is on the run after she was impregnated by a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old student.

 HOUSTON – The Aldine Independent School District Middle School teacher accused of having a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old student turned herself in to Montgomery County police Wednesday after a warrant was issued for her arrest. 

Prosecutors said Alexandria Vera had a sexual relationship with one of her students and also got pregnant by the eighth-grader.

Vera, an English teacher, admitted to conducting a sexual relationship with the student since last September, authorities said. A report said the student was in her eighth-grade English class. The DA’s office said the officer received school records showing the student to be younger than 14 when Vera began the sexual relationship.

Vera said the student’s parents not only knew about the relationship, they approved of it and allowed the teen to spend the night at Vera’s home in Spring, where they engaged in sex on a regular basis, according to court documents. She told an investigator that she would drop him off at home in the morning so he could catch the bus to Stovall Middle School, prosecutors said

Vera told investigators that the relationship with the student grew, and they continued to have sex and spend time together. According to court reports, Vera said she got pregnant with the student’s baby in January. She told the officer that the student’s family was told about the pregnancy and that they were supportive and excited about the baby, prosecutors said.

Court documents said Vera had an abortion because she got nervous when Child Protective Services showed up at school in February to question her and the student about their relationship. The DA’s office said Vera denied the relationship then.

_____________

By now, everyone and their grandmother has heard of this story. Cliff notes: Some soft 5 looking teacher has sex with a 13 year old, gets pregnant, gets a abortion, and now is in jail. Yawwwwnnnnnnnnn. My brain is so desensitize to these type of stories that when I first heard about it, I didn’t even blink. Yeah he is 13, which is kinda fucked up, but its 2016. This can’t surprise anyone. These teacher sex scandals happen all the fucking time. For a scandal to get my attention, its going to have to be some type of weird, hardcore, BDSM teacher/student orgy. So much to the point I didn’t even think it was blog worthy. Everyone has the same take. “Oh I wish she was my teacher when I was in school” or “how is this illegal, kid is a legend.” So, I passed on the story.

Then right when I thought I was out, THEY BRING ME BACK IN.

Turns out that the intern at my work (who happens to had classes with me in college) told me that the teacher had actually gone to the same school as us and had lived in the same apartment complex as me.

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. Now that I realized me and the teacher were really good friends, (I have never seen or met her) the takes started flowing through my fingers.

First thing that came to mind was how the hell did a 13 year old dick down this broad for MONTHS. I could see if it happened 1 or 2 times, but for it to go on 6 months is insane. My performance at 23 years old by far is nothing to brag about. Now at the age of 13, I couldn’t even imagine how fast I would bust. My sex tape, from start to finish, would be so quick you could film it all on a Vine. So honestly, you have to respect this kid on performing well enough to keep her around.

Now for a middle school kid to pull this off, one would think he is a freakish man-child. Something like how Clowney looked like when he played in high school. Odds on this kid being some black, 6 foot athlete had to be 2:1. However, pictures of the middle schooler came out.

Warning: I hope you are sitting down before you see the picture. UPSET OF THE CENTURY

.jared-white-teacher-impregnated-by-8th-grader-arrest-warrant-issued-2637868.png

JARED FUCKING WHITE? Are you kidding me? This fat nerd with the bowl cut is the Casanova who got the teacher pregnant? Guy must of had a hog because I don’t know how else he could of pulled it off. Blows my mind.

Anyways, congrats on the sex Jared, I guess? Probably will be telling this story until he is 80 years old. Guy will be the king going in as a freshman next year. As for the teacher, well she will be fired, serve some time in prison, and will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of her life. Crazy world.

 

Houston Teacher Knocked Up by a 13 Year Old Student