Score- On Tuesday, Clowney opened KURE Columbia Vaporium and Lounge, a vape bar where patrons can come for all their vaping needs. “Really I got into this because of my mom, who was a smoker,” Clowney told Roddie Burris of The State at his grand opening. “But actually I wanted to try something outside of football and see how it goes on the business end. I chose Columbia because I’ve been here, I know what type of people are here, and I said nothing’s better than Columbia. I didn’t know how long I’ll be in Houston.”
Wowwwww. Now I know in the article Clowney says he doesn’t vape, but that’s basically like telling your mom you don’t drink in high school. Both parties know its not the truth, but ignorance is bliss am I right? Can’t have Billy O and Vrabel riding him too hard. Just imagine the rips Clowney takes off that new Vapor Shark DNA200 though! Probably comparable to a Michael Phelps size bong rip.
On a serious note Clowney is about to have a MASSIVE year. Guys doing yoga, acupuncture and laid down the cigs for the vape life. With a little extra smoke up his ass, Clowney plays 14-16 games and racks up 15 plus sacks.
I’m just ready for Clowney to bring Cushing and the rest of the bros to the grand opening so they can vape these losers into an early grave.
We are the Vapers of the Houston Texans. WE ARE BULLS ON PARADE!
via Chris Wesseling of NFL.com “Andre Johnson is back in the news for the first time since his release by the Indianapolis Colts in February. The 35-year-old wide receiver visited the Tennessee Titans on Tuesday, NFL Media Insider Ian Rapoport reported, via a source informed of Johnson’s whereabouts. No signing is imminent, per Rapoport, as the two sides are simply feeling each other out at this point. It’s fair to wonder if the Titans are bringing the veteran in to light a fire under enigmatic second-year receiver Dorial Green-Beckham, who has struggled to master the playbook and remain in football shape. Johnson lost a few steps last season, failing to separate from opposing cornerbacks while falling behind Donte Moncrief on the Colts’ depth chart. Absent special teams experience, the seven-time Pro Bowler will have a hard time fulfilling his vow to continue his storied NFL career in 2016.”
Pretty heartbroken that it has come to this. First the Colts and now the Titans. How much more can a loyal Dre fan take? Some seem to have forgotten, but before all you obsessed JJ Watt nerds came around there was only one player on the whole Texans roster who deserved to even throw on a jock strap, I mean helmet, on Sunday’s. I looked up to Andre throughout my whole athletic prime (I peaked in high school) and my most memorable moment in sports is the shmack down he laid on that small ginger Finnegan. “Don’t get frustrated. You know ima tear that ass up. You know that.” I watched greatness from Andre for 10 plus years, so when the guy tells me he can still produce goddammit I got to believe him. No matter what AFC South team he decides to play for next, I’ll always be a part of #Team80.
P.S. Chris Wesslinger, or whichever junior writer wrote the special teams joke for you, get ready to catch these fuckin hands if you see me on the street. So in the words of the always pleasantly spoken Allen Iverson”I don’t know any franchise players that play special teams. I don’t know any 7 time pro bowlers that play special teams. I don’t know any two time 1st team All-Pro’s that play special teams. I don’t know any future Hall Of Famer that play special teams. Why Andre Johnson?”
“We all love the Astros. We all know Carlos Gomez is a huge bust. Let’s pay him to leave our beloved team and city. Let’s buy out his contract and send him on his way. We can make room for quality players looking to make an impact. Our management doesn’t seem to want to budge on benching Gomez and the only reason I can think of is because they are just paying him too much. Let’s ease that stress for them by buying him out and sending him on his merry way.”
This pains me to write, but it must be done. I want to like Carlos Gomez so much. His swag, cockiness, and goofy voice scream superstar. But at the end of the day I’m about results, which is why I love JJ Watt despite him being the biggest nerd of all-time. Gomez is batting.200 and his home run to lost helmet on huge cut ratio is roughly 1:20 (IDK I’m not a stat guy). Fukerz gotz to gooo!
Update: Only $8,999,940 away. I would donate but the way my bank account is set up…
What’s up haters? So my guy may have lost a little weight. And yeah he may have a couple of screws loose under that electric haircut of his too. You try partying all night without the occasional line of cocaine. It was the offseason of sex, drugs, and rock & roll, but he’s back focused now. 20 days sober and ready for that epic comeback he’s been telling us about for months.
You see, unlike the rest of you wishy washy Manziel fans leaving negative comments on his IG, I’m an Aggie. And when you’re an Aggie, you’re an Aggie for life. Aggies help Aggies, which is why I am calling out Gary Kubiak. Manziel is sober and ready to roll just in time for training camp. He could also really benefit medically from some of that legal pot you guys got in Colorado. It’s time to prove that you respect the Aggie traditions and give Manziel another chance. Thanks and Gig’ Em.
P.S. If Aggies are no longer helping Aggies I vote for the next rule change allow us to sit during football games. Also, I will cool it on the Johnny/ A&M blogs once you recruit someone as electric as Johnny fucking football.
Via ESPN- “COLLEGE STATION, Texas — It turns out that the only thing harder to catch on Kyle Field than Christian Kirk is Hitmonlee – and more than 1,600 people showed up on Wednesday to try. Texas A&M football’s home field became one of the latest places to get swept up in the Pokemon Go craze, as a whopping 1,604 smartphone-wielding fans used the increasingly popular app to hunt Pokemon for two hours on the same grounds where Myles Garrett hunts quarterbacks. In a less-than-24-hour turnaround, the school decided on Tuesday evening to open up the SEC’s largest stadium to the public, posting notices on Twitter and other social media promoting the event, and people of all ages flocked to the facility for a chance to not only catch Pokemon but to experience walking inside Kyle Field, which was completely redeveloped prior to the 2015 season and seats 102,733.”
It’s a great day to be an Aggie. The football opener is 50 days away, Manziel has been sober for 14 days, and the faculty is embracing Pokemon Go as the 4th biggest sport in America. Not surprising at all that one of the best college football stadiums in America has a Pokemon as rare as Hitmonlee chillin on the 50 yard line. Also not surprising that we set the precedent for other college football programs to follow. Roll with the winners.
P.S. Working with a bunch of old people, I’ve taken a bunch of shit the past couple of days about my Pokemon Go endeavors. It seems us millennials will never be able to please our elders. “Get outside more” they said. Well, I’m outside more now than ever yet I get looked at like I’m fucking Hitler when I’m trying to catch Eevee’s in public. I think the real problem here is that we are starting to intrude on the old people’s territory. I took a walk around the park yesterday, which before Pokemon Go was the definitely most old person shit you could do.
Growing up a loyal Houstonian, I used to fucking hate the Spurs. Not only were they in that shithole of a city they call San Antonio, but the flopping was too much too handle (this was before the whole NBA adopted their foreign blood magic). They passed the ball too much and didn’t dunk the ball nearly enough. However as I grew older and matured (sort of), I grew a sense of respect for the Spurs style of play, their fan base, Popovich, and of course their star player.
Tim Duncan was never flashy, which is why he never caught my attention as a kid. While AI was laying down his patented crossover, TD was perfecting the bank shot. He said all the right things. He didn’t wow you with his athleticism, nor was he a common guest on Sports Centers top 10 plays. He just got the fucking job done and he did it more effectively for a longer duration of time than any athlete I have had the privelage of watching. I’m at that weird age where I am starting to see the iconic athletes I grew up watching begin to retire. Soon I will be the annoying old man telling his grandkids that Bob Cousy would run circles around Steph Curry. Regardless, Timmy D is a legend and he will surely be missed.
P.S. No way I end this article without mentioning his clothes. The guy is a millionaire dressing up like a Target manikin in 2002. Some may blame AI for the implementation of the NBA dress code, I blame Tim Duncan’s JINCO jeans.
It’s been a big couple days of basketball. Yesterday KD announced via The Players Tribune that he will be signing with the Warriors. Today a local bald man in Idaho fooled the world that MJ was training for a return to the NBA. It may not be the real MJ, but the film don;t lie. It’s safe to say he will be getting a call from an NBA GM here shortly. His offensive game is a mystery, but his defense is impenetrable. He perfectly directs his man to the corner leaving him less room to operate, cuts off the baseline forcing him back to the middle. TEXTBOOK D. But back to KD and his decision. Since yesterday, I’ve heard a lot of complaints that no one will be able to beat the Warriors next year, including me. That was until today when I laid my eyes on the new age His Airness. So get ready Warriors, fake MJ is here and he’s bringing some good friends from along the way with him for that number one spot.
PG– Obviously this is Derrick Rose pre-injury. Don’t let the love handles fool you, dude can fly.
SG– Fake MJ in the Bred 11’s. No brainer team captain.
SF– Double padded elbow sleeves Lebron James. RIP Harambe.
PF– Mexican Charles Barkley. Part of the 50 greatest players of all-time. I DARE Draymond to kick him in the juevos.
C– Young Shaq cashing checks. BBQ Chicken.
Look the part, feel the part, play the part. And fuck you KD for making the NBA no fun.