ASTROS 5/2/2016

Thank the Lord Almighty, we won a series! For a second, I almost doubted these guys. We have been getting absolutely dominated in every game we’ve played lately. I mean we’ve been getting torched by EVERYONE. The real shitty part about this whole season so far is that there is no one to place them blame on. The entire fucking team blows. Apart from Altuve (El Jefe) our entire team has played like they have never touched the diamond before.  I know a scorching terd of record at (8-17) has left many Houstonians wondering if our city’s baseball team is gonna shit the bed just like the Rockets. But the beautiful thing about America’s past time is that it’s a long season.( 162 games to be exact)

The entire city of Houston is running around, freaking out, saying that last year was a fluke. Y’all need to calm your tits because our boy Dallas Keuchel is pitching tonight at the Juice Box,  versus a pretty lackluster squad in the Minnesota Twins. The twins really do suck. These guys piss me off. No one likes Minnesota and I’m sure there isn’t even a set of twins on the roster. Pretty shitty to false advertise like that, losers. Oh, and the Twins have started their season equally as crappy as we have. They have only won 7 out of 18 games so far. The difference between us and them is that we were expected to be really good, everyone already knew the Twins were gonna be an eye sore.

Dallas is gonna mow these guys down tonight. I think that we should dominate this series if he’s able to snag the W. I have a good feeling that Keuchel and his beard are going to remind everyone why he won the AL Cy Young award last year. A big outting from Keuchel could be just what this team needs to get their asses into full gear.

Tonight’s game info:

MIN@HOU

Location: Minute Maid Park

Time:7:10

Radio: 790

TV: RTSW

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ASTROS 5/2/2016

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