Jared From Subway Prison Update: Getting Fat and Beat Up

jared-fogle-fat


inTouch– Jared Fogle is just barely three months into a nearly 16-year jail sentence for child pornography and having sex with underage prostitutes, and the former Subway spokesperson has already gained 30 pounds, In Touch has exclusively learned. “Jared’s breakfast is usually Frosted Flakes with fruit or oatmeal with cake. He loves ‘cake day’ in the dining hall twice a week and he buys Honey Buns by the box, as well as other pastries, in the commissary on his weekly shopping day,” adds the insider. “He’s been known to eat an entire box of eight at one sitting!” “Jared is regularly taunted by those who have it out for him,” the prison insider states. “One of the men called Jared a ‘dirty child rapist’ and told him to ‘get the f–k out’ and not come back.”  The disgraced former Subway pitchman then made the mistake of opening his mouth to defend himself. “The inmate slapped him across the cheeks several times and made his face red. Jared just stood there stunned, then ran out of the gym,” while inmates booed and called him by his prison nickname — “Chomo,” which is short for child molester — as well as another choice derogatory term for a coward. 

 

From my experience of prison life, (watching Shawshank Redemption, American History X) small nerdy white guys do not have the greatest time. Especially when that small, nerdy, white guy is sent to a federal prison for child molestation and every inmate knows you because you were the face of a restaurant that is bigger then McDonalds for over a decade. Not saying he doesn’t deserve time for what he did but shit, his situation must be hell.

Just imagine him walking into prison scoping out the big/strong inmates knowing sooner or later someone is going to have something shoved up his ass. Then the one guy he least expects, some 60 year-old white grandpa named Nigg, comes out of no where, and Jared can’t do anything about it.

The disgraced former Subway pitchman then made the mistake of opening his mouth to defend himself. “The inmate slapped him across the cheeks several times and made his face red. Jared just stood there stunned, then ran out of the gym, while inmates booed and called him by his prison nickname Chomo”‘

So what does a former fat guy turn to for comfort? Food of course. The only thing that gets Jared through the day is knowing twice a week he can have cake and inhale 8 honey buns in one sitting. He has already gained 30 POUNDS. Guys usually go into jail and bust out thousands of push-ups and sit-ups a day. I’ve seen the movies with the bench presses in the prison yards. It’s almost impossible to NOT get swoll in jail. The only explanation behind this is that Jared is literally eating himself to death. Everyday he sneaks an extra bologna sandwich dreaming of the day his arteries finally clog and he escapes Nigg and the boys who make his life a living hell in prison.

 

 

 

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Jared From Subway Prison Update: Getting Fat and Beat Up

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