With Super Tuesday now behind us, we can all relax because everything is going to be okay in America right? Right? Hell, who really knows? One side says the sky is blue and the other says it’s Sky Blue. One likes french fries and the other prefers tots. All I know is that we could have one hell of an American face off.

I can see it now. In the red corner we have professional asshole and insane businessman: Donaaaaald Trump. Annnnnnnnd in the blue corner we have habitual liar and obviously oblivious: Hilary Clintonnnn. This shit gets me going! This is more American than steroids and apple pie, people! This is like a fight to the death between a Bald Eagle and a Honey Badger.

The Donald Train will be chugging along crushing pilsners, throwing up walls and pissing off the entire world; in an attempt to make themselves seem like the ultimate kick-ass country again.  Meanwhile, Hilary nuts will be using the same amount of salt and pepper on their potatoes and making sure everyone has the same equal amount of beer regardless of if they got five on it or not. Donald is the high school bully who kicks the living piss out of a freshman for walking into to the varsity locker room. Hilary is the stinky girl in the back of the class who prefers not to shower because she feels bad for baths.

This is what America is made of. Regardless of which side you’re on, it’s time to strap in and get the jumbo popcorn. We got ourselves an All-American shit show.


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