WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS:EXPRESS LANE ASSCLOWNS

Road rage (male)

Here at Fiasco everything isn’t always peachy. Not everything in our day-to-day lives makes us sappy; believe it, or not. Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you must then proceed to throw those little, fruity, citrus sons-of-bitches as hard as you can at the incompetent asshole who is currently riding your backside in the “HOV” lane. Ladies and gents’ I bring you, “What Grinds My Gears”.

Life has been great for me lately, no barkin from the dog, no smog. And yep, you guessed it, Mamma even cooked the breakfast with no hog. It was only a matter of time until something inevitably pushed me the wrong way. It was a beautiful morning here in “The H”. My daily routine was in full effect. I was a machine this morning. I woke up before my alarm,  found matching socks, had a killer cup of coffee from some guy named Joe, AND I knew something great was waiting for me. That mysterious something great is none other than the “HOV” lane herself. We all know her. She’s the girl that’s always there for you. The one who picks you up when your down. Your “ride or die”. I mean seriously, how can you not love the HOV lane? What kind of sick bastard would have that type of mindset? I’m not sure, but I sure as hell don’t want to meet ’em.

Pretty generous for society to create a driving lane solely for those who have high-occupancy vehicles. Pretty cool, man. I can dig it. No one likes to be discriminated against. The HOV lane is a prominent, mutually beneficial, asset to our daily lives. Oh, and if helping people get to work, successfully dumping Rugrats off at schoolhouses, and letting motorcycles have a safer drive isn’t cool enough… The HOV even lets people who are driving “solo-dolo” pay a small toll to take her for a spin too.

It’s extremely sad when something as the beautiful as the HOV lane gets taken advantage of. She only has one lane. Just one. It’s a magnificent lane, but there’s only ONE. If someone is in front of you in the HOV (which there is a good chance there is) there’s nothing you can do about it! Simple. Let me break this down… 99.99999% of the time, the car in front of you has someone in front of them, and they have someone in front of them, and they have someone in front of them; so on, and so forth. It’s gonna be okay Bub! Just take a quick glance through your passenger-side window and digest the atrocity that is “Rush Hour Traffic”. That shit makes me want to throw up. A bunch of impatient idiots in a hurry to get to a job they probably despise, with a boss they probably hate, and a salary they probably aren’t satisfied with. For my boy Pete’s sake, can y’all just take it easy?

But if you insist on driving like an asshole, please take that inconsiderate, impatient-ass, non-sense to the main lanes. You can’t sit with us. In all seriousness, this isn’t a damn video game you loser. Go hit the sticks, and smash some pizza rolls in your moms basement, (don’t forget the ranch). Nothing pisses me off more than when I’m enjoying a gorgeous morning with my girl HOV, and some Bozo comes flying up in my rear view just to ride my ass like a damn saddle-jockey. I won’t stand for it. I can’t, and I won’t. The HOV doesn’t deserve the disrespect and neither do we!

 

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WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS:EXPRESS LANE ASSCLOWNS

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