Rockets vs. Blazers Recap- Feb. 25th

Fuckin’ right boys what a win. I’m officially back on the bandwagon. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. Give us the 8 seed, I can smell the upset from here. You just never know with this team. We might lose to the Sixers, we might beat the Warriors. One minute we’re down 21 points, the next we’re up 14. We are impossible to predict.
James had a smooth 46 with 34 coming in the second half. His stats against the Blazers this season have been crazy. Dwight stopped by the local In N Out in Portland totaling 19 and 13 on 8-10 shooting. None of the other starters really did shit. Ariza shot 1-10, but played respectable D on Lillard. JET was huge as he hit some key momentum shots after coming off the bench and was +21 for the game. 
Next up… the San Antonio Spurs escape that shithole of a town they call home travel to a real city.

Advertisements
Rockets vs. Blazers Recap- Feb. 25th

Rockets vs Jazz Recap, Feb 23rd

Rocket traveled to Utah for their second game after the all-star break. The Jazz are one of the top ranked defenses in the league and have been strong at home, winning their last 6. Rockets looked to go into Salt Lake City and gain some momentum to make a push for the playoffs.

For starters the fact that we need to make a push to make the playoffs is beyond pitiful. The first three quarters of this game were great to watch. It was a back and forth game and the Rockets were hustling, sharing the ball, and communicating on the defensive end. Josh Smith played some quality minutes and looked like he was finally in game shape, but rarely saw the court in the second half. Ty Lawson even looked like the Ty Lawson we thought we were getting for 8 minutes or so in the third.

Then the fourth quarter came around and James went to the bench as he usually does to start the quarter. We immediately reverted back to the old Rockets. Lackadaisical passes, shitty defense, and we almost seemed to turn the ball over on purpose. We also got to witness T Jones for the first time since his car accident. I’m glad the guy is okay, but geez I kind of wish he was still concussed. I would match rather see Montrezl get his minutes.

Behind Harden’s offense, Ariza’s defense, and a clutch 3 by old man Terry we were able to force overtime. Overtime wasn’t much better than the fourth quarter. We showed no sense of urgency as James casually walked the ball up the court each possession. We had a chance at the end of the game to  tie it up but came up short as we missed a couple of three pointers. Losing 117-114 puts us in the 9 spot being Utah in the playoff picture.

James had another standout game in a Houston loss with 42 points which now ties him with Steph for most 40 point games. Wish these crazy numbers would equate to some wins. Ariza played a ballsy game tonight as he looked injured the entire way. He seemed to have a leg injury but didn’t let that slow him down from playing great defense as he locked up Gordon for the last 11 second of regulation to force overtime. That plus knocking down some big threes proves that Trevor hasn’t given up on this team yet.

Good news is according to Sports Center we caught a dub tonight!! Haha a little premature on their part. Can’t say I blame them, I thought we were going to win as well.

IMG_1025
Sports Center fucking up on twitter

 

Rockets need to have a short memory as we face Dame Lillard and a scorching hot Portland team on Thursday. We get them on prime time so hopefully we can get a win and prove that we are still a team worth watching.

Word.

 

Rockets vs Jazz Recap, Feb 23rd

Donatas Motiejunas Trade Vetoed

via ab7Chicago- HOUSTON — A pair of trade-deadline deals were undone Monday when the Detroit Pistons voided a swap with the Houston Rockets. Power forward Donatas Motiejunas failed a physical with the Pistons due to back problems, sources said. In the process, the Pistons will keep their 2016 first-round pick and Marcus Thornton and Motiejunas will return to the Rockets. Joel Anthony, who was traded from the Pistons to the Rockets, who in turn sent him and a second-round pick to the Philadelphia 76ers for the rights to Nigerian forward Chukwudiebere Maduabum, comes back to Detroit.

Ever heard of the phrase no trade backs assholes? You knew what you were getting into when you accepted the trade for a 7 footer with prior back issues, don’t have buyers remorse now. You gotta feel bad for D-Mo and the gummy bear though. How awkward is it going to be when they have to sit down and talk with Morey again. “So what had happened was….”

Ramifications of the trade….

  1. The Pistons think D-Mo’s back issues will effect his whole career 😦
  2. We don’t get a 1st round pick which would likely be in the lottery pick
  3. Leslie Alexander has to pay the luxury tax penalty (He’s rich)
  4. We don’t get a 2nd round pick
  5. KJ probably won’t see the minutes we were hoping he would play

On the bright side, recall the last time a trade was vetoed between us and the Detroit Pistons…Robert Horry and Matt Bullard 93-94 season ring a bell?

 

Welcome back Russell Crowe and Busta Rhymes and get your shit together cause we’re going to the ship!

d mo russel crow

img_0940img_0941

Donatas Motiejunas Trade Vetoed

Kurt Rambis Is A Big Fan Of Female Masturbation

Via NYDN- “Interim head coach Kurt Rambis showed he needs some help using Twitter over the weekend, after a very graphic pornographic tweet of a woman masturbating showed up in his “liked” tweets.

The photo is of an Asian woman pleasing herself while standing in front of a mirror, with the reflection of her backside also visible.The X-rated pic was captioned ‘Love female masturbation #NSFW.'”

My man Kurt. Just when the Knicks thought they were getting rid of one pervert head coach who fucked everything that moves, another porn freak steps in. It’s the circle of life. But honestly, who isn’t a fan of female masturbation? This is a pro-lesbian blog and if you don’t like it you can get the hell out you homophobes. 

The picture he liked was from the account @Ilike2touch_ and he still follows another account with the handle @GreatAssDaily because obviously the man appreciates a great ass just like the rest of us. Jonathan Spurowitz, the VP of Public Relations for the Knicks is claiming Kurt was hacked, but when you have a moustache like that in your playing days we’re not buying it.

kurt stache

 

 

Kurt Rambis Is A Big Fan Of Female Masturbation

JJ Watt: An In-Depth Article Of The MEGATOOL

Prelude: I have been diehard Texans fan since inception. I sit and watch patiently while we shit the bed year after year due to our negligence to bring in a competent QB. Contrary to popular belief, my least favorite Texan=JJ Watt. I know I will get a ton of shit for talking down on the beloved poster child of Houston by the 5 people subscribed to our blog and 28 Twitter followers, but sit back, get comfortable, and get those reading glasses out cause this is about to be long and ugly.

Ever since JJ Watt’s breakout season in 2012, he has been a fucking tool for the media to leach onto. “A good looking white guy whose PR guy publicizes every time he thinks of making the world a better place? Let’s make him the face of the NFL!” People in Houston hang on his every word, move, action, he says and does. Can’t say I necessarily blame them. He’s the greatest athlete this town has ever seen. He has a chance to be the greatest defensive player in NFL history, and it’s cool that we as Houstonians are able to witness this up close.

BUT HIS ACTIONS ARE SO FUCKING LAME. He is such a try hard and is trying to be your grandmothers favorite player. He does everything possible to look like America’s Sweetheart when the camera is on him. Now that is fine and dandy for wanting people to like you. Can’t hate him for that. But it comes off phony and is shoved down our throats. You are a defensive lineman. Not a politician. So without further adieu, here are examples of why JJ Watt is the biggest hardo in the game (if you are reading this El Pres, hire me).

Mic’d Ups:

What better way to start than showing his evolution into MEGA TOOL over a two year span in the form of Sound FX Mic’d Ups. This first clip features JJ Mic’d against the Baltimore Ravens in 2012.

JJ Mic’d Vs. Ravens

Shoutout Barwin, miss that guy. Now let’s fast forward 2 years later where JJ is Mic’d up in a DOMINATING performance vs. the Tennessee Titans.

JJ Mic’d Vs. Titans

“Grab some popcorn, maybe some jujubes, a slushy, Sno-Caps perhaps, maybe some Sno-Caps, I don’t know” 1. Jujubes and Sno-Caps are easily the worst two candies available for purchase at a movie theatre next to Junior Mints. Only a person from Wisconsin would eat Jujubes and Sno-Caps. Get some fucking Reeses Pieces or Buncha Crunch like a normal person you over sized freak. But you can’t tell me that this isn’t a totally different guy than what you saw on the field in 2012. Relatively friendly, humble player who has to be CONVINCED by Barwin to talk preconceived shit to a 5’8″ running back Vs. an over-the-top, outspoken, asshole. Don’t think I’m not a fan of a good shit talker either, this is purely pointing out the transformation of the personality. Peep the Mic’d Up against the Saints from the 2016 season to see how Watt has stepped up his game as a shit talker (sorta).

JJ Mic’d Up Vs. Saints     ////     Bonus Footage

Selfies:

The Titans Mic’d up perfectly transitions me into his selfie beef with Mettenberger. Why the hell are you picking a fight with a rookie, 4th round pick, back-up QB ? Mett took a snapchat and sent it to his friends. He didn’t directly post it online for the world to see. And you still couldn’t let it go a year later even after the poor guys career was in shambles. Meanwhile, you post more selfies on Instagram than most guys take in a year. 

Magnum.

Lettin’ the ladies check out the sweet tat.

Probably wearing an i love boobies! bracelet…

Blue Steel. Fierce, yet sexy.

Jaw clinch, bicep flex, and crossed arms pose? Classic.

#CMTawards

A post shared by JJ Watt (@jjwatt) on

Cowboy hat with the go-to Jaw Clinch, LOVE IT!

Why God does he support my favorite hockey team?

Not a selfie, but this is vomit inducing.

Hard Knocks:

When I heard the Houston Texans would be featured on Hard Knocks I was ecstatic. I was a Huge fan of our season. HUGE. It made me feel like our 9-7 team with no quarterback was going to win a Super Bowl. Tons of great moments and personalities came out of it too. O’Brien-STAR. Vrabel-STAR. Wilfork-STAR. Khari Lee- STAR. Charles James- Annoyed the shit out of me, but STAR. NUK-STAR. Watt-Embarrassing. Was anything worse than him singing Fort Minor? Not just as in the show, but like ever? The song came out in 2005, which forms the picture of a 16 year old JJ Watt who just got his license, riding around his high school parking lot with the windows down on his Jacked-Up F-150 singing “50% luck, 20% skill.”

Other cringe-worthy hard-knock moments…

  • Him cussing in the third episode after he heard how much people loved O’Brien and Vrabel for dropping the f bomb every third sentence.
  • Staying after a bad TEAM practice to look like a badass 
  • The pitiful Chris Farley impression. Poor guy is probably rolling in his grave.

On the field:

  • This was 1000% scripted in front of his mirror all week leading up to the game. “Hey bro, how cool would it be if we beat the Bengals, and I make fun of Andy Dalton for being a ginger?” If you have read this far and watched all the material, recall back to the Ravens Mic’d up when Barwin asks him if he told Rice the burrito line yet. Confirmation that he definitely has brainstorm sessions when it comes to trash talk.

 

  • How he always celebrates when he has individual success as we are getting shmacked. Can’t find video evidence for this, but unless you don’t watch Texans games, or your oblivious, you should know he never turns down a chance to get a good celly in.

 

  • The way Mark Vandermeer (Texans play by play guy) says his name….J…..J……WATT. Not Watt’s fault, but it still annoys the hell out of me.

 

  • The fact that his theme song is “Turn Down For What” by Lil’ Jon….Lil’ Jon has been irrelevent since 2004. There is no reason I should have to hear this guy through my TV or at the game every Sunday. As a season ticket holder (yeah I’m showing off) you get to see things others don’t. Every time they play this damn song, JJ is the only person on the field getting pumped. Maybe it’s because the ten other dudes on the field stopped listening to Lil’ Jon after the early 2000s ATL rap phase died, or maybe it’s because they also hate Watt’s guts and how literally everything is centered around him. You decide.

Off the field:

  • The fact that he doesn’t have a girlfriend because he is so dedicated to football…

    “I obviously would love to have a girlfriend but a girlfriend deserves so much of your time and energy,” Watt said. “And she deserves to be treated like a princess because that’s how you should treat your girls. And if I can’t give them that time and that devotion because of my dedication to football, then I don’t feel like I should almost waste their time.”

    Actually that whole quote in general.

awesome-tackle-o.gif

  • When he said he googled what rich people buy….   

“I Googled “What do rich people buy? Because I don’t feel like a rich person, and I don’t really try to act like a rich person, so I don’t know what they buy. I didn’t really like the stuff I saw, so I’m gonna stick with my humble lifestyle and just keep working out.”

Every time I touch $100 dollars that shit goes down the drain. How long until he tells us he has spent most of his money on pre-workout and protein?

 

Conclusion: I know my opinion is not with the majority, it’s just my opinion and I know there are at least a few others who follow the team as closely as I do who feel the same way. This probably means I will never be able to kick it with my boy NUK again (I was one of the I’m sure many white guys who walked up to you at Cle after the Chiefs playoff game and tried to dap you up. You decided I was only worthy of a fist bump. I’ll take it.) Nor will I be able to hang out with any of the other Texans players for that matter once I make it big time. I will forever be known as the guy who hates JJ Watt. At the end of the day I know JJ is a nice guy who means well, and I am glad to have him on my team for the sole purpose that he single handedly fucks shit up and controls a game. But I can’t distinguish what is real and what’s not. No one is that perfect. It’s okay to fuck Lindsey Pelas. And if you are reading this JJ (which is a possibility because I feel like you google yourself a lot), I love you every Sunday and occasional Thursday and Monday if it makes you feel better.

JJ Watt: An In-Depth Article Of The MEGATOOL

The Life Of Pablo Review

If you’ve read this blog before or know me at all, then you know I’m a huge Kanye fan. Are his first three albums his best? Yes, probably. That doesn’t make his new stuff suck. This album reminds me of a mix between My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and Yeezus. Read a breakdown of each track below…

01 Ultralight Beam [ft. Chance the Rapper and Kirk Franklin]

Solid Intro. Really gets you into the feel of what the album is going to be. Chance absolutely kills it.

Favorite lines from Chance…

“Foot on the devils neck ’til it drifted, Pangea”

“I been this way since Arthur was Anteater”

arthur

“My daughter look just like Sia, you can’t see her”

“I met Kanye West I’m never going to fail”

And to conclude..

“let’s make it so free and the bars so hard that there ain’t no gosh darn part you can’t tweet”

I didn’t blog a couple tweets, but you get the gist.

02 Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1 [ft. Kid Cudi]

Ah, Kid Cudi back to his roots with ‘Ye is so much better than him sounding like a high school garage rock band in “Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven”. Produced by Metro Boomin so you know it bangs. Kanye starts off talking about Amber and finishes speaking about Kim.

(How bad does Kanye want this threesome on a scale of 1-10?)
03 Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 2 [ft. Desiigner]

Newest GOOD music signee Desiigner is used as a feature with his single “Panda” sampled. Also produced by Metro Boomin. Kanye reportedly cried during its creation. The bridge at the end by Caroline Shaw is legendary.
04 Famous [ft. Rihanna]

Rihanna, on the chorus, Swizz Beats ad libs, references to him fucking Taylor Swift are all dope. But the best part is definitely the bridge sung by Sister Nancy at the end.
05 Feedback

“Y’all sleeping on me huh, had a good snooze?”

“Awesome, Steve Jobs mixed with Steve Austin, If HOV J then every Jordan need a Rodman”

Classic crazy as fuck Kanye. Pretty honored he used the word y’all considering everytime I use it north of Texas I get clowned on.
06 Low Lights

Poem, written by Kanye for “all the moms driving they kids to school then going to work.” Although I’m not quite sure this album is appropriate to listen to with your kids considering he talked about bleached assholes a couple songs ago.
07 Highlights [ft. Young Thug]

According to Young Thug, he and Kanye have recorded over 40 songs together. This one was alright. Some good lines…

“I bet me and Ray J would be friends

If we aint love the same bitch

Yeah, he might have hit it first

Only problem is I’m rich”

“Blac Chyna Fuckin’ Rob, Help him with the weight
I wish my trainer would, tell me what I overate”

Shows you how recent he wrote some of these tracks. Also shows that unlike the rest of the Kardashians, he’s all for Rob getting some pussy.

“I’ma bust a coach’s head open on some Diddy shit

If he ever talk to my son like an idiot”

Referencing Diddy whooping the USC coach’s ass. I’m legit scared for Kanye’s kids to get older.
08 Freestyle 4 [ft. Desiigner]

Beat was cool, lyrics were kinda weak. Talks about fucking in the middle of a restaurant and starting an orgy. Basically, just normal celebrity shit.
09 I Love Kanye

Kanye knows what’s said about him. How he’s changed, how much he loves himself etc. So what better way to say fuck y’all then to make a song ABOUT Kanye. This is probably the most Kanye thing of all time.
10 Waves [ft. Chris Brown]

The reason for the album delay. Production wasn’t finished, but Chance, who also wrote the song, insisted it had to be on the album. It is quite possibly the coolest beat on the album so I guess it was worth the wait.

11 FML [ft. The Weeknd]

For My Lady or Fuck My Life. Talks about staying true to Kim in the most Kanye of ways. The Weeknd brings the vocals.
12 Real Friends [ft. Ty Dolla $ign]

We gotta track down which one of the Auntie Team’s kid stole his fucking laptop.
13 Wolves [ft. Frank Ocean and Caroline Shaw]

frank

We found Frank Ocean! Different version than the original Wolves release at Yeezy Season 1. Beats incredible.
14 Silver Surfer Intermission [ft. Max B]

*Refer to Kanye Wiz Twitter beef. Probably the reason Kanye was so frustrated from Wiz’s tweets. He already had permission to name his album WAVES from the Waviest Max B.
15 30 Hours [ft. André 3000]

Disappointed no hook for Andre 3k, but it is a great song regardless. I immediately went to google maps to see if LA to Philly (Amber’s hometown) was 30 hours. Turns out it’s 39, but there is a good chance he was speeding.

“I hit the gym all chest no legs”

chest

Also throws a reference in to driving 90 miles to “whoop a niggas ass like Matt Barnes.”
16 No More Parties in LA [ft. Kendrick Lamar]

Kendrick probably assisted in writing his verse, but who cares.. so many good lines from both, but the best….

“It took 6 months to get the Maybach all matted out

And my assistant crashed it soon as they backed it out

Goddamn got a bald fade I might slam,

pink fur got Nori dressin like Cam”

cam

17 Facts (Charlie Heat Version)

Least favorite song on the album. Trust me, NIKE can give shit away. This version sounds better than the original I will say (still kinda sucks).
18 Fade [ft. Post Malone and Ty Dolla $ign]

Solid outro. Ends the album with some steez.

 

Final Review: 8.5/10 I would rank it as his 5th best album behind the first trilogy and MBDTF, but it is growing on me more and more every listen. If you can listen with an open mind and not a predetermined hate for Kanye, there will definitely be at least a couple songs you will enjoy. Production was crazzzzzzyyyyyy!

The Life Of Pablo Review

Where Are They Now: Steve Francis

Saturday night I watched about 5 minutes of the dunk contest. I could care less about it. If you’ve seen one dunk, you’ve seen them all. However, when they were showing the Vince Carter highlights from 2000, arguably one of the best performances of all time, my mind was blown. Nothing to do with the dunks, but the fact that STEVE FRANCIS was in second place to Vince.

Being from Houston, I always loved Steve. But watching those highlights of the dunk contest brought up the question of what the hell happened to him? Steve Francis was the man in Houston. He was a the face of the franchise. His nickname was even “The Franchise.” Francis was the 2nd pick overall in the 1999 Draft. He was the Rookie of the Year and a 3 time All-Star. For fuck sake he was even on the cover of NBA Live 2002 and March Madness 2000.

NBA_Live_2002_PS2_Cover

41jSZgLfJTL

Now he is one of the biggest freak-shows there is. From small things like wearing your own jersey to a game:

Screen Shot 2014-04-27 at 3.24.53 PM

To dancing on stage and getting choked out:

 

To getting his chain snatched:

To pouring champagne over himself listening to “Drunk in Love”:

 

Not sure why he even goes out to clubs anymore. Either going to get his ass beat and dragged around like a rag doll or giving himself a champagne shower. Now I haven’t even got to his looks. He looks like a crack head who sleeps in a crock pot. Just his face slowly melting away like a marshmallow in a microwave.

I mean holy shit, look at this transformation in only a span of a couple years.

 

Now I know the whole downfall of Steve is well known by now. But man, just watching those dunk highlights Saturday night brought back the sweet memories of “The Franchise.” Sad story overall of how he was on top of the world, then falling to where he is now.

So to answer the question of where he is at now, I guess doing alright. He was spotted court-side with Tracy McGrady in December, so he can’t be doing too bad.1215_STEVE_FRANcis-kobe_LAKERS_TWITTERAnd for all the crack rumors going out there, he says he is “100% drug free … and talk that he’s using any type of illegal narcotic is baseless and totally out of left field.” As for his appearance, a source close to Steve told us there’s no health issue, “He’s just old.”

YEAH….that’s totally what a 38 year old is suppose to look like. But at least he isn’t under a bridge like most of us thought. Keep doing you Steve and hopefully your face will stop melting away.

Where Are They Now: Steve Francis