Boltman Saves San Diego

NBC Sports– Chargers chairman Dean Spanos announced that the team will stay in San Diego for 2016, and in a statement, said he hopes to keep the team there. “Today I decided our team will stay in San Diego for the 2016 season and I hope for the long term in a new stadium. This has been our home for 55 years, and I want to keep the team here and provide the world-class stadium experience you deserve.”

You did it Boltman! You fucking did it! (Well at least for another year) A couple of weeks ago, when news broke on the Rams moving to L.A, I wrote this. Two weeks later, what do you know it, the Chargers decide to stay. No doubt in my mind Boltman was the reason. The half man/ half bolt went in front of City Council and brought them to their knees. They thought they could easily just pack up and leave until realizing who they were messing with. Just look how shook these people were:

Tony Manolatos, spokesman for Mayor Kevin Faulconer’s stadium task force- “You know it’s a big deal if Boltman shows up to your news conference or your rally. He’s made this effort his mission.”

Former City Atty. Michael Aguirre- “A lot of people think he’s just this cartoon character, but he’s the real deal. He’s got an encyclopedic knowledge of the issue. He may be the best advocate the players have.”

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“Made it his mission?” Mayor Faulconer must have lost so much sleep knowing there was a giant walking lighting bolt coming for his head. Now I don’t throw out the word hero much, but when an entire city is in dire need of help, Boltman rose to the challenge and became the hero they needed. Who is this the man behind the mask though? Batman was Bruce Wayne. Superman was Clark Kent. But who is Boltman? Well ladies and gentlemen, that man is Dan Jauregui.

Jauregui has been the guardian of San Diego now for 20 years and has fought the City many times about the relocation controversy with the motto: Build a new stadium, save the team for San Diego.”  As of now the Chargers are still in San Diego, but the future is not certain. So when the time comes again, you can count on Boltman to be there to protect and serve.

 

P.S- If the Chargers do decide to relocate, our boy Danny needs to be on suicide watch. Just look at this quote:

“Jauregui remains confident the team will stay in San Diego — but if they don’t, he is ready. Boltman will not follow the team elsewhere. Jauregui vows to take his Boltman costume, weigh it down and toss it off the Coronado-Bay Bridge. ‘If they move to Carson or Los Angeles, they’re dead to me,’ he said.”

So unless you want blood on your hands San Diego City Council, you better build a new stadium.

Boltman Saves San Diego

Black Friday’s On Twitter

Regular twitter’s a neat little app. It’s where I get my news on sports, pop culture, politics, etc. BLACK twitter is a whole-nother universe. That’s where I get my laughs. Let’s face it, black dudes are just naturally funnier than us. They’re born that way. I wish I was half as creative as the shit I see posted everyday, but sadly I’m not. Every Friday I will start to compile the craziest shit I see on twitter that week. So for the first time ever, I present to you “Black Friday’s.”

Let’ start off hot with the Kanye-Wiz-Amber Rose drama….

 

 

Perfectly transitioning into #KanyeAnalPlaylist

(Huge Craig David fan btw, the Drake before Drake)

Then this guy who thinks Earth is the size of Houston…

And the reactions….

Agent 0 on IG talking about strip clubs, Flint, and Sourpuss. A little distasteful there Gilbert, but to be honest there is nothing I hate more than sourpuss.

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Thot Level: 100

 

That’s all I got for today, I’ll be more active on twitter next week. Until next time…

Black Friday’s On Twitter

Attention Ladies: Travis Kelce is Looking For Love

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Deadline.com- E! has ordered eight episodes of Catching Kelce, a dating competition series starring Kansas City Chiefs’ tight end Travis Kelce, for premiere later this year. Fifty eligible women, one from each state in the U.S. will be invited to Los Angeles as Kelce searches for that special someone to become his lifelong “teammate.

Travis Kelce is having himself a week. Not only did he just signed a five-year, $46 million extension today that includes $20.017 million guaranteed, he now has a gig that will pay him to pretty much bang 50 women. On top of that, he’s living it up in Hawaii at the moment getting ready to play in his first Pro Bowl Sunday. No one is having a better week than him.

Kelce has sneakily grown on me over the season. I never really liked him because he came off too douchey and a wannabe Gronk. On the field though, I love him. Just a big bully who dominates in the blocking game, while at the same time being a huge weapon for the offense. However, the moment that sold me on him was when he pulled out the Donkey Kong Punch.

LOVED IT. Even though it was after a long wide open TD pass against the Texans, that instantly became my favorite celebration. Then a couple weeks later he followed it up with the Ric Flair WOOO.

 

Hard not to like him. The guy is pure entertainment. Great pick up for E! cause he will bring a lot of viewers. I just hope those broads are ready because Travis is coming in hot.

 

Attention Ladies: Travis Kelce is Looking For Love

Dr. Bennet Omalu Believes OJ Has CTE

via- bleacherreport.com According to Johnny Dodd of People, Omalu is confident the 68-year-old former NFL star—who is currently serving nine to 33 years in prison for a 2008 kidnapping and armed robbery conviction—has been impacted by CTE: “I would bet my medical license that he has CTE. Given his profile, I think it’s not an irresponsible conclusion to suspect he has CTE.”

Wait, so you’re telling me the guy who murdered his wife, got away with it, and then wrote a book titled “If I Did It” probably has CTE? Shocker! Take a look at my surprised face.

  

 Oh and let us not forget that he currently sits in prison for robbing a sports memorabilia store in a hotel casino at gunpoint. Not quite sure what sparked this whole discussion with Dr. Bennet Omalu in the first place, but yesterday was actually the date that OJ was selected number one in the 1969 AFL-NFL draft by the Buffalo Bills. Shame how all the off the field issues make people forget how great a player OJ really was. It’s not like he did anything THAT bad (Jk).

P.S. I know nothing about CTE besides what I learned from the movie Concussion, which was very mediocre. I couldn’t agree more that people of color are misrepresented at The Academy Awards.This year Idris Elba for Beasts of No Nation, Michael B. Jordan for Creed, and the entire cast from Straight Outta Compton all deserve to be nominated, as well as many others. But don’t come at me with Will Smith’s shitty performance in Concussion. His accent was pathetic and his decision to boycott seems more personal rather than for the greater good. Oh, and Luke “The Godfather” Wilson as Roger Goodell? Give me a break.

Dr. Bennet Omalu Believes OJ Has CTE

Degenerate Picks Jan 29th-NBA Edition

It’s Friday night and you want to make watching basketball a little more interesting, so you decide to throw down a couple bets with your bookie. Well if your going to bet some money you might as well win right. Here’s a couple lines I’m throwing some money on for tonight’s NBA lineup.

Cleveland at Detroit, Det +4.5

Ya, ya, ya why would I take Detroit against Cleveland. Well Detroit is 15-6-1 at home against the spread. Pretty good right? To make things even better Cleveland is 9-12-2 against the spread on the road. Combine these factors together and you got your self a nice chance of winning some money.

Brooklyn at Dallas, Dal -9

First things first, Brooklyn is complete ass this year. Add the fact Dallas is 14-7 at home against the spread and you got yourself a nice bet. Following a loss (they lost to the Heat on Tuesday), Brooklyn is 14-16 against the spread. Add in the fact that the Mavericks are 13-8 against the spread when favored and this seems to be a sure fire bet.

Houston at Oklahoma City, Hou +7.5

Normally I would stay away from this game. To be flat out honest, the Rockets are about as shitty as it gets against the spread, but fuck it they are my home town squad and we are on prime time NBATV tonight. The Thunder have been squeezing out some close wins against teams like Minnesota and a Knicks team that didn’t have Melo, they even lost to Brooklyn. With the entire nation watching I think this will be a close game to the end.

Bonus: Charlotte at Portland, Portland -6.5

I’m betting this late night game based off how I do in my early games. I like the game solely for the reason that Damian Lillard was left out of the All-Star game yet again. Dame Dolla came into the league with a chip on his shouldercoming out of Weber State. Tonight that chips going to be a even bigger since he’s clearly played well enough to be invited to Toronto. Look for Lillard to ball the fuck out and get his team a big win tonight.

 

Degenerate Picks Jan 29th-NBA Edition

The Stro’s are Back, Again.

It’s about that time of year where football is almost over, basketball is about midway, and the beloved game of baseball is inching her way closer and closer into full gear. Now I personally have a weird obsession with all three of Americas “Big Three of Sports”. However, baseball is it for me. There’s just something about the nostalgia of cracking peanuts with some buddies (of which have been expired for several months), chugging $10 cups of Americas finest pilsners, and turning jumbo popcorn buckets into “Rally Caps” while you obnoxiously heckle the opposing team. Shit gets me pumped.

Now I know the city of Houston has not even acknowledged the fact that we have a Major League baseball team ever since when we shit the bed in ’05 against the White Sox. Which I completely understand. Baseball is a slow, precise, and delicate game. It’s hard to watch if you aren’t into it. But when your team is good… Oh man when your team is good, it’s something else. To recap: we used to have the Killer B’s, a kick-ass pitching staff including Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, and Roy-O; and we had a team that probably ate dinner every night together like Torreto, Brian O’Connor and the crew. It was beautiful.

Enough of the past. We quickly became one of the biggest shit shows in the league. A damn circus show. But that’s what happens when you have fat asses like Carlos Lee tip-toeing around in left-field, every light in the world had been flipped on for Brad “lights out” Lidge, and the entire team as a whole couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a freaking boat. We sucked, for a long time. I get it. It’s tough. But don’t you fear. The game of baseball is like finding a crisp twenty in your pockets. You think you’re fucking broke, but WAIT, could it be? I’m fucking rich! There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Houstonians all around, I’m here to tell you… the STRO’S are back baby!

When Jim Crane bought the Astro’s in 2011 he appointed a crazy bastard named Jeff Lunhow as the teams GM. The guy’s is a bloody genius. Before baseball, Lunhow had a plethora of jobs. He was an engineer, management consultant, and a technology entrepreneur. Lunhow has a way with numbers, to say the least. Most people have seen the movie Moneyball. If not, basically a guy took a shit team and invested all of it’s money into strategic planning and data-analysis. He fired everyone and put a lot of inference on the teams farm system to develop young prospects. This team eventually balled out. Jeff Lunhow and his Astros wanted to do the same thing. People thought we were out of are fucking minds. In 2013 we had the lowest payroll in all of baseball at $27 Million. Anyone we had that showed even the slightest amount of talent got kicked to the curb. We traded away EVERYONE. We were supposed to be several years out from any chance of success. After all we had a hot, steamy dump of a record at (51-111) in 2013. However, things seem to be way ahead of schedule!

In 2014 we had achieved 19 more wins than the previous season. That wasn’t enough to grab the city of Houston’s attention though. Then, last season happened. We soon realized we had a few young stars. Dallas Keuchel was the face of our pitching staff. He had a record of 20-8, an ERA of just 2.48, a whopping 216 strike outs, and he was the starting pitcher for the American League during the All-Star Game. Oh, the guy has a beard only Houston is worthy of too.

Not only did we realize we had one of the best pitchers in baseball, we soon discovered what a freak-of-nature Carlos Correa is. The Astros drafted Correa first overall in 2012. The guy was 17 years old from Puerto Rico. 17 freaking years old. Around this time I was probably causing all sorts of trouble, pulling “Hey Mister’s?”, and showing up to practice late because I wanted an “afternoon quicky” from my broad. Meanwhile, this guy was being selected numero uno in the MLB draft. Carlos finished his rookie year with a .279 batting average, spanked 22 homers, and drove in 68 RBI’s. He also took home the “American League Rookie of the Year” award. Most of this was done before the kid could legally crack a cold one. Shit’s wild man.

Along with Keuchel and Correa we now have a team that is stacked at every position. Last year we finished off by losing to the Kansas City Royals and World Series champs in the playoffs. We took the season as a success. But we knew we needed a real closer in order to have a real shot at winning it all. We needed to get someone who could throw harder than my Mimi to close out games for us. Of course, Lunhow was on it. He brought in the flame-throwing closer from Philadelphia, Ken Giles. Giles was 15 for 20 in save opportunities during the 2015 season. He also had an ERA of 1.80, and punched out 87 batters in just 70 innings.

With Spring Training just around the corner, Houstonian’s and “Crush City” have a lot to be excited about. My gut is telling me that “this is the year”. This is the year we dominate the league and parade throughout the beautiful streets of Houston. All because are team is simply better than yours.  Well, on second thought, I might just need to take a dump. Na, fuck that. The STRO’S are back baby!

The Stro’s are Back, Again.

Aussie Rugby Star Had One Hell of a Night

Via- dailymail.co.uk  Rugby league star Mitchell Pearce has been stood down and is set to be fined $50,000 after he was filmed allegedly simulating a sexual act with a dog and urinating on himself at an Australia Day party. ‘I think he should be stood aside. I think this should be the end of his career,’ Prof Lumby told ABC News 24.

There is an old saying I learned when I was a young boy, “Let he who has not gotten drunk, pissed his pants, force himself on lesbians, and dry hump a dog, cast the first stone.” Poor Mitch is getting a lot of heat and might lose his job for getting a little too wild, something everyone has done at least once in their life. You show me someone who has never had way too much booze and made some horrible decisions, and I’ll show you a liar.  Mitch was just caught in what I like to call “The Perfect Storm”.

  1. He is Australian.
  2. He is a millionaire.
  3. He was day drinking all day and night with his boys celebrating his country’s Independence Day.

You add those 3 things together and you got yourself a piss soaked couch and a little grinding action with a pup. I’m actually surprised nothing worse happened. You shoulda seen me on the 4th of July. The only true victims were the dog, Mitch’s dignity, and the poor couch. No harm, no foul. If it wasn’t for it being recorded, no one would even hear about it. Mitch has already been punished enough with the video going viral. No need to fine him or suspend him. Let him live. FREE MITCH!

Aussie Rugby Star Had One Hell of a Night